Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
