If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
