My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
