the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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