I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
