I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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