she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
