Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
