You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
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