Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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