If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize