atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
