so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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