another moral hangover. fuck.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
