the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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