I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
