She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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