I can text with my tongue
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
