I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
