Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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