for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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