Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
