You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
