idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm jealous of your bromance
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
