I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
