just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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