I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
