we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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