i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
