It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
