i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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