Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
