He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
