its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
