you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
