btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
