My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
