Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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