My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
