At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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