hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
