I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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