you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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