One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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