You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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