I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
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Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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