Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
