So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
