But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
