i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
