Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
