i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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