I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
