I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
