That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize