Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
