My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
