the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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