we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
