So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
