i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
