Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
