Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
