you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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