I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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