Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
COCAINE IS GR8
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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