Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
