why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
