We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
