You really coming over, don't trick.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
