I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
