and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
