I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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