You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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