so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
