it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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