My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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