I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
